Comments on: The Best Laid Plans

By: Is bullying ever useful? « Reluctant Memsahib

Is bullying ever useful? « Reluctant Memsahib — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 05:39:36 +0000

[...] whilst sitting at a desk in an Outpost despite criticism from friends. It’s why I supported my son’s decision not to take up a place at a sixth form college. And it’s why, on my way to a snow bound England to [...]

By: reluctantmemsahib

reluctantmemsahib — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 09:31:21 +0000

this is lovely, Marianne; thank you. And all the best in the world to you and your boy. I think it sounds as if you are doing a tremendous job. x

By: Marianne

Marianne — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 09:43:14 +0000

Just scrolling down, catching up with who you are and felt moved to make a comment on this post, because it resonates so strongly with me – much of what you say resonates with me. I have family in Nairobi, I live in Kent, near a girls’ boarding school – yours perhaps? I have looked into the abyss of bankruptcy – married the public school city banker, but it all went horribly wrong. I too have sons, one of whom is 17.

As I struggled to bring up this troubled child without his father’s love and support, and it all kept falling apart for us again and again, of all the advice that was flung at me by concerned but detached professionals, the best piece was to give him control of his life, let him make his own choices, his own mistakes, forge his own path. And that is what I try to do, and what you have done for your son. Sometimes what you don’t do is as important as what you do. And sometimes that’s the hardest thing, the letting go.

By: reluctantmemsahib

reluctantmemsahib — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:32:56 +0000

hello doglover. absolutely; do throw an opposing opinion into the pot. i suspect a number of my friends would agree with you too. I still maintain that we have made the right decision. that he has. I believe that being at the boarding school he attends, going to classes with an eclectic hybrid of kids from all kinds of backgrounds might be a more realistic grounding for our multicultural, frequently transient, world. And I think that given he’s only been there for a year – a move made necessary on account of our own – he probably deserves the opportunity to enjoy it since he worked to make friends and adapt to a different school and boarding lifestyle. What do you think? Oh. And he doffs his cap already!

By: doglover

doglover — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:14:10 +0000

Well, well. Not as in “well done”, but as in “what a surprise”.

Making the right decision – have you? Has your son? Or is he just lazy and not wanting to get off his backside and take a new step in his life? Maybe he wouldn’t like your independent school, but if he’s 17 now, he wouldn’t be there long. And he might like it. Most boys do. And it might make a man of him – he might even learn to doff his cap.

Just thought I should express an opposite view to all the above flattering comments!

By: reluctantmemsahib

reluctantmemsahib — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 10:27:47 +0000

Hadriana – thank you for that. And for visiting. I think you’re doing what’s right for you. It can be very, very hard to buck trends and do what feels right esp when it doesn’t appear to feel right for anybody else. But they’re not living our lives: we are. I have been very fortunate: my mum has never cared much for what other people think and my adored grandmother flew in the face of convention. Both provided me wtih great lessons. Doubtless that’s why I had the confidence to listen to my son. And good luck with your venture. x

By: Hadriana

Hadriana — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 10:06:47 +0000

Yes…you are listening to your children (meant to say that) and that’s absolutely wonderful. It’s possibly your greatest gift to them apart from love.

By: reluctantmemsahib

reluctantmemsahib — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 06:04:03 +0000

Thanks Expat Mum: I hope so. I hope so. Not always easy this parenting lark though is it?!

By: Expat Mum

Expat Mum — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 21:07:08 +0000

Well done RM. You gave him so much when you didn’t jump in and try to persuade him or insist he went to a school that he wouldn’t enjoy. Now he’ll know that when you do argue with him, you’ll really really mean it, and he’ll be much more likely to listen and respect you.
Having gone to a girls’ convent school which I hated for all 7 years, I am envious of teenagers who enjoy their school experience. He will probably go on to far greater things than he would have managed under a more opressive school system.

By: reluctantmemsahib

reluctantmemsahib — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 05:11:45 +0000

ExpatKat: thank you very much. And I shall say to your daughter, same age as my son, what my friend E said to him, ”Bloody good for you!”. It does take guts. But developing guts is a useful thing x Wish her good luck.