Airport Security

We flew home yesterday to our Western Outpost after a few days with our big kids in the North. It took us ten hours on two different flights with a lenghty connection in the middle. The security official on the final leg of a long weekend’s dog-legged journey took away my tweezers. Because they are very, very dangerous, he said. Given this was the 3rd aeroplane I had boarded in four days and given that I had been subjected to the same security scrutiny every time, I found it strange that I’d managed to hang  onto my tweezers until then.

I found it even stranger that my tweezers were confisicated (the only danger being that, without them, I shall look like terrifying monobrow the next time I emerge from Outpost) considering my mace spray, nestling in bottom of bag next to tweezers, was ignored.

I’d have thought it was easier to hijack a plane with a face full of mace than a pair of tweezers.  But then I’m not qualified as member of highly trained, quick witted, uniformed security team.

Later, on board, as I crossly analaysed the contents of my quite large and very heavy handbag, I found several other weapons that could have diverted our plane far more effectively than tweezers, apart from the mace, of course:

I could have stabbed pilot to death with my broken compact mirror;

I could have hit him over head with my cumbersome diary which has brick-like proportions;

I could have poked his eye out with my Clinique eyepencil (in Khaki) – which I could have just sharpened with eyepencil sharpener for greater accuracy and efficacy;

I could have given him an eye-full of Allure from the very large bottle in bag next to mace;

I could have necklaced him with any one of the stray ropes of beads and chains lying in a knot in base of bag;

I could have – given how irritated I was – screamed at him in manner of fishwife until he agreed to do my bidding.

But I didn’t. I just sulked all the way home and growled at my reflection in No 1 of hijack armoury because I wished I’d plucked my eyebrows in advance of flight home.

6 Responses to “Airport Security”

  1. R. Sherman Says:

    It sounds like the wife of a Tanzanian security guard at forgotten to pick up a pair of tweezers for his wife before going to work.


  2. reluctantmemsahib Says:

    Yup, I reckon. By the look of the confiscation box, she was also in need of half a dozen combs and a nail file too! thanks.

  3. Carolyn Says:


    This is funny. In PNG once I got pulled up by the xray security people because I had a two-way radio in my bag. They reprimanded me strongly, and told me to take the battery out while I was on a plane because it can interfere with the radio signals. They didn’t pick up on the large pair of fabric scissors in my bag, or the pocketknife… I found this quite bizarre…

  4. Tom Says:

    It’s amazing when you give idiots some power what they will come up with.

    I believe this happens in every airport now. There are a lot of idiots.

  5. Mary Witzl Says:

    I once lost a pair of toenail clippers this way in Okinawa. All the way home, how I regretted that I’d been too lazy to trim my toenails when I had the chance.

  6. Susan Says:

    I have to fly tomorrow to visit a friend and then onto a business meeting in the same city. I will keep in mind — no tweezers in my handbag. Your list of other menacing items made me laugh!

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