Behavioural habits of Men and Mosquitoes

Hat is doing a school project on mosquito borne diseases. I have learned, in the course of our combined research, that:

Female mosquitoes have itchy feet and have been shown to fly as far as 25 miles from where they hatched to where they were slapped by irritated dinner victim. How do they know that? was she carrying a map with her route carefully marked? a or do female mosquitoes carry ID indicating place of birth?

Male mosquitoes never bite – instead, on account of sweet tooth, they feed on nectar, full of sugar and vitamin C no doubt, which they probably cram into man-bags to sustain man-fat and keep man-flu at bay.

A female mosquito’s life span is anything up to 100 days; the male’s is 10 to 20 days. Which just goes to show a sweet tooth is bad for your health whereas one high in iron is presumably quite good?

Depending on temperature, mosquitoes can develop from egg to adult in under a week. This will impress pushy parents everywhere who would like to oust little ones from nest into lucrative careers faster than their peers can.

The mosquito’s visual picture, produced by various parts of its body, is an infrared view generated by its prey’s body temperature. It’s why it helps to sleep with a hot man (hot as in warm to the touch hot as opposed to George Clooney Hot). My own hot man(who gets bitten far more frequently than cooler blooded I) says this is ”bollocks:” whether he meant ”bollocks” to hot Clooney or “bollocks” to hot, as in warmer to the touch hot, I didn’t bother to enquire.

And talking of men, my own has several peculiar behaviour traits of his own:

He hides our copies of The Week (quite possibly the best magazine in the entire world) until he has read them. I only discovered this recently when I noticed one, still plastic wrapped, poking out of his bedside drawer. I pinched it to read first. Which was childishly satisfying for me and childishly irksome for him.

He never puts the loo seat back down: cliched but true

He is very, very tidy. I am very, very untidy. He likes to reorganise my desk so that I can find my pencil, rubber, keyboard. I prefer the challenge of the hunt. His wardrobe a testimony to a man who never deliberates about what to wear every morning, mine bears proof of the fact that even in splendid isolation I cannot decide. What is discarded is hastily stuffed back into a drawer in favour of something else dragged just as hastily out.

He hates to change plans. As a result I have learned not to commit until I am absolutely certain. Once I’ve said ”yes” to something, he would only grant an exception if I was hit by a bus, eaten by a lion or bitten by a well travelled mosquito that has grown old on a diet high in haemoglobin and has a GPS around her neck.

                        

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4 Responses to “Behavioural habits of Men and Mosquitoes”

  1. Potty Mummy Says:

    The female mossy traveller thing? They can probably tell how far she’s travelled due to the trail of creatures from who she’s stopped to ask directions. As opposed to the male mossy not actually asking so just going round and round in circles because they are too embarrassed to…

  2. Mzungu Chick Says:

    Gosh Mem, don’t suppose you know where I can find ‘hot man’ so that the mozzies stay away from me? Those treated mozzie nets are damned expensive.
    (By the way if anyone does have a direct link to George Clooney – please don’t hesitate to call me, I’m generally available all nights of the week! – It’s OK, I don’t mind if you call me ‘Norma’!)

  3. R. Sherman Says:

    The bit about temperature of prey is true. My wife has a higher body temp than I, (mine’s actually a degree or so low) and she absorbs the brunt of the mosquito attacks on camping trips.

    Of course, maybe the beer allows me to avoid noticing the ones directed at me.

    Cheers.

  4. reluctantmemsahib Says:

    PM: how right you are, never thought of that. Female is busily making her way to wherever it is she is going whilst male either lost or going round and round in circles. Dithering.

    Mzuingu Chick: hot men? where I live?! Oh puhleeeese! Except own hot man, of course. George Clooney. I wish. If you get hold of it, wing it my way.

    Mr Sherman. Perhaps the odd beer dulls own hot man’s senses so he doesn’t notice his legs are being gnawed off. He notices come morning though.

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