When I was little, I thought the sun’s rays, mellowed by the tilt of the earth with rising dawn or fading day, filtered by clouds and horizons, was proof that there was a Heaven; I thought it looked like the images in the prayer books Mum carted to Mass with her to entertain us and buy her a little peace during long droning sermons.   And they did, entertain us, those ‘holy books’ with their pictures and parables and gently nudging stories about what constituted good and evil. But what entertained us more was our little sister empting  Mum’s handbag on the pew beside her and trying on Mum’s Jackie O sunglasses which were so big for her little face that she had to tilt her head back to keep them perched safely on her button nose and prevent them from tipping to the ground. We giggled then (as did the ranks of totos in the seats around us) until Mum opened her eyes and hissed, ‘read your holy books’. So we did.

I don’t think I am a religious person, but perhaps I am a spiritual one. I no longer think the sieved sunlight is heaven.

But I do think it’s heavenly. As are dawn walks in a pearly light on a beach bleached virgin white and unmarked. Except for my own tread.

That’s a precious and peaceful and unearthly sensation.

19 Responses to “Heaven”

  1. Anastasia Says:

    They say that it is a glimpse of heaven. I love the peace you feel, and the way the world seems at that moment.

  2. Rob Says:

    I think I’d prefer sermons to summons myself 🙂

    • reluctantmemsahib Says:

      hah! indeed Rob, edited! that’s what comes of posting too late at night. but they did drone no those sermons/summons didn’t they?! x

  3. Nicola Says:

    Heavenly, indeed!

  4. Lily Says:

    It seems you are pretty close to Paradise in your corner of the world! What a gorgeous sight to wake up to, thank you for sharing!
    I like this ritual of a story and photo a day.
    When I was a little girl I thought when people died they became clouds and that the moon was Russia and that people got old because they wanted to and anyways I’d always be eight…
    The temple of childhood has a low painted ceiling with fairy tale constellations, which as I get older seem to make more sense!

    • reluctantmemsahib Says:

      what lovely images Lily: the moon as Russia, wanting to get old and the temple of childhood. When I look in the mirror and see the ‘old’ creeping up, I feel a little sad at slipping away time but when I consider the sort of peace age delivers, I know there’s alot less angst even with a lot more lines!

  5. Lyn Says:

    Didn’t we all gaze up at sky and picture heaven amongst the billowy clouds? I laughed at your imagery — your little sister playing with your mom’s purse and belongings. When my sister and I fidgeted in the hard pews during the sermon, my dad would gently squeeze my shoulder and peer down with his no nonsense look that signaled his disapproval. I really am convinced that heaven is of our own making and if it IS, then it will be found here on earth; not a place, but rather a state of being. Lovely, lyrical post.

    • reluctantmemsahib Says:

      ahhh. the old squeezing of the shoulder trick. you describe that perfectly. wasn’t it awful being caught out and having to stop the high jinx and go back to pretending to pay attention!

  6. Jackie Says:

    Well I have to say that picture is pretty much my idea of, if not quie Heaven, then pretty damn close! I think I agree with the religious v spiritual comment.

    Oh, and blogging at 3.55am? Doesn’t Paradise run to beds?


  7. Addy Says:

    “Dawn walks in a pearly light on a beach bleached virgin white and unmarked. Except for my own tread.” I felt the peace with you. Beautiful.

  8. reluctantmemsahib Says:

    thank you Addy – the lull before the storm when the builders arrive … !

  9. tash Says:

    i second Addy’s comment – that line, those words, make me think that when you have the time, you need to treat us to a poem or two again too… SO nice to think of you there xx

  10. mapesburyMum Says:

    Do you know what – I’m usually very jealous of photos like that but today in North London we have our own little bit of heaven. Everything is covered in snow and the leafless trees just look lovely, last night when it fell we looked outside and the ‘boys’s garden next door but one had been lit up with blue fairy lights that were tinkling in the snow, and everything was silent – it really was beautiful.

  11. Iota Says:

    Oh lovely.

  12. Elaine Says:

    It must be wonderful to be able to walk in dawn’s early light along a pristine white beach. It’s a blissful image.

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