Déjà vu



You think – I thought – that this was it. For now. That life was going to sit back, rock on its heels, smell the roses, take in the view (and boy what a view).

But life’s not like that. Life is for living – and all that it brings, the uncertainties, the highs and lows, those wretched curved balls.

So I’m back where I started, mentally, emotionally, moodily, five years ago, when I deliberated and cogitated over my departure to the Outpost, with a pen poised for a pros and cons list. Decisions must be made so that most mealtimes in our home begin, ‘So what are we going to do’, and then we hunker over toast and coffee Jungle Book vulture-like, ‘I dunno, what do you want to do?’, ‘I don’t know, what do YOU want to do’. For neither wants to take a plunge too soon, or not take one at all, neither wants to be the source of the other’s regret.

But sometimes that’s what being on the same team means, you’ve got to believe that the other players on your side really are on your side, really do know what’s best, really will catch you if you fall. Talking it out isn’t working. I wondered if tapping out the dilemma on the keyboard, pinning it to black and white might make it more tangible, present an easier to grasp answer rather than one that keeps slipping from my grasp so that one minute one solution is right and the next a quite radical one seems the obvious choice.
Sleep on it my mum would say.

But that’s easier said than done.

11 Responses to “Déjà vu”

  1. iotamanhattan Says:

    Sleep on it is good advice, because I’m sure our brains function more efficiently in our sleep, unencumbered by all the distractions of the day.

    Benadryl. Is my hot suggestion for a good night’s sleep.

    • reluctantmemsahib Says:

      Thank you Iota x Benadryl. I shall remember that. Alas I have been driven to much sterner stuff in the past. My kindle serves as midnight companion, I am reading Julia Blackburn’s ‘The Three of Us’, and loving it – she puts a whole new spin on eccentricity!

  2. ThresholdMum Says:

    Hi, love your blog. Wasn’t sure whether you knew about happenstance theory – might help! A newish development in career theory based on people’s behaviour shopping – that what matters is to be clear about ones criteria (e.g. something warm & comfortfoodlike, which doesn’t cost more than £2.50) rather than a choice between a or b (It must be apple crumble or jam roly poly). Being clear on shared criteria allow us to think creatively on different options (rather than just looking at option A and B), and help us to capitalise on new opportunities (there’s an offer on hot cross buns). It also helps us articulate to others, so there are more people looking for suitable options. You can also give marks out of 10 to different criteria, so you’re clear if there are limited options, well this one is most important for me – but that one is a dealbreaker for someone else in teh family. Good luck, hope this helps!

    • reluctantmemsahib Says:

      Thank you ThreholdMum – happenstance. Hadn’t heard of it but it has prompted us to consider criteria, those are easier to list than pros and cons for now – so a good start and a good tip.

  3. Ellie Says:

    “neither wants to be the source of the other’s regret” … Ah, deeply sighing here. I understand this sort of conundrum very well. You have my sympathies, and hopes for a peaceable solution to your dilemma.

  4. Carol Says:

    So sorry you are in a dilemma, but it IS good to have you back blogging. Sleeping on it is probably best option – but then also knowing that you are being totally honest with each other regarding your hopes and fears. And maybe you both need to be a bit selfish and only think about YOU – not the other people on the edge… Tough choices.

  5. Potty Mummy Says:

    It sounds as if life isn’t simple right now. Sorry to hear that, hope you manage to reach a decision you feel ‘right’ about. x

  6. Anil Says:

    It’s easier said than done like you mentioned. Unless one puts some time between the dilemma and the decision gets sorted out as a result. Time passed can lend a different perspective assuming one has the luxury of time to begin with.

  7. Rainbow Prams Says:

    Through all the commotion comes a solution, hang on in there xx

  8. janerowena Says:

    Been there, done that, had temporary split from husband because of it… Which is why I have worried about you ever since I first discovered your blog and read it all, like a book. He kept on moving us, was never happy, and every time we moved I was just about settling when he would move us again. I have worked out that it takes between two and five years to feel settled and at home for me in any place, but this time – maybe because he is getting older? – he actually seems to like it here and has settled. We have now been here for almost five years, I love it here but find that now after a break from all that moving I could face another one, if he really wanted. With your children and mother on another continent it must be very hard – my mother lives far away and is ill, and my daughter is also far away and my son about to leave. I think I’ll just leave it to fate this time and give my brain a break from it all!

  9. Family Affairs Says:

    At least you are a team – I on the other hand have a serious decision to make about one of my children and schooling and stuff and I am in a battle with their father who wants something entirely different for the same child – so I’m sort of jealous that you know you’re all in it together, whatever the outcome. Hope you’ve woken up from that sleep now! x

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