So there. It’s all over. The busy-ness.

The business of family and Christmas and kids.

I am always struck by the deafening roar of silence that follows the brouhaha of a full house.  I can hear myself think. And that’s not always a good thing.

Amelia left last week. My sister and her brood over the weekend.  Noise drained. Happily cluttered sofas cleared to leave cold spaces.

Yesterday I drove Ben and Hat to the airport, three hours away. We rose in the dark; dawn smudged with mist and rain and blackbellied cloud. The weather didn’t shift all morning. Their plane couldn’t land; rerouted to sit the weather out. We sat it out in a café and drank too much coffee and played cards.  And I thought, ‘this feels like a reprieve: stolen hours’.

But come lunchtime, the sun had burned a small hole in the gloom and the rain abated and the plane came in and I watched my children clamber aboard. And I stood on the runway in the drizzle and waved and blew kisses and I continued to do so as they taxied away and I watched the aircraft lift and I saw it swallowed by the sky. I took a deep breath, blinked back tears and got into the pickup to drive home.

I bounced on the rutted dirt roads to the farm, fighting with the steering wheel to stay steady as the unevenness of the surface threw me all over the place.

I don’t remember it being this bad on my way in, I puzzle.

And then I remember: my ballast has gone.


12 Responses to “Ballast”

  1. sustainablemum Says:

    I expect it was good for you to have a house full of people? I hope it is not too disappointing to be quieter now and you can something to replace it all.

  2. reluctantmemsahib Says:

    it was wonderful sustainablemum. i loved it. hard to fill the gaps now … the ether is a wonderful place to escape though.

  3. nuttycow Says:

    But now you have all those fantastic memories to sustain you until they all come home again and you can have some new adventures! Chin up RM 🙂

  4. reluctantmemsahib Says:

    absolutely Nutty 🙂

  5. Ellie Says:

    {{hugs}} for the new again quiet. What a big adjustment it must be, every time with the goodbyes, and with them being so very far away. Be gentle with yourself in the spaces between them being with you ….

  6. solwhere Says:

    Glad you are back doing your blog, hope it keeps the loneliness away a little bit….?

  7. Ad dy Says:

    For some reason, my comments are not getting through, but I’ll tryagain…….. Easter is not all that far away so hopefully you’ll all be reunited again then. Keep busy until then. Happy New Year!

    • reluctantmemsahib Says:

      thank you Addy. you too: happy new year. the big ones aren’t coming home for Easter, and Hat just briefly. perhaps i’ll escape to them for a break …

  8. daisyfae Says:

    My daughter, who lives in Turkey, had 10 days and came home for her first Christmas in 4 years. My son, in the Army, was also home for some of that time… Rather than let myself tweak over the scissors being in the wrong place, or the fact that my daughter doesn’t unpack, she explodes… i knew that within a week it would be just me and the dog and the cat and the quiet, and i’d have plenty of time to put it all in order again.

    i’m somewhat new at this. Stolen moments. Every single one of them.

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