I have slipped into that gap before. Not so deeply nor so suddenly that I could not clutch the edge on my way down and haul myself back up, scrabbling undignified and tearful.


But when my mum fell into it, when the precious little bits of her life began to slide through her fingers so that she lost her grip, she plummeted into the dark, so low we could not reach her. So low it took her months and months to clamber back to the light.


She skirts an abyss. And we watch ever fearful that she might fall again. She does from time to time. I wonder: had she seen the gap coming, had somebody warned her, preferably some time before my youngest sister left home for boarding school: hey, look out, there’s a sodding great hole there, mind you don’t fall into it, would she have navigated her way around, left herself a wide enough berth that even if she stood back unaware, in an unguarded moment, it’d still be far enough away not to pose a threat?


I know how chilly its unfathomable depths are because Mum has described them to me, ‘It’s cold’, she has said, ‘and dark’. I only know that I need to watch my step because of her. It doesn’t mean I won’t fall too. But if you have been cautioned, Mind the Gap, you might, just might, have time to plot a course around it.


I’m working on a story. About gaps and direction, madness and motherhood. If you, any of you kind readers, could bear to link to this, I’d love to hear from anybody who is familiar with sidestepping gaps. Or not.




Thank you

RM x

16 Responses to “MIND THE MUMMY GAP”

  1. Minding the Gap. And New Shoes « Reluctant Memsahib Says:

    […] a new page on my blog, a link to the right of this, Mind the Mummy Gap. If you can bear to, please click  on […]

  2. Mud Says:

    I was just going to suggest you get in touch with Nutty Cow, but I see she’s already spotted this post!

    Again, I’m sure you’ve already read these, but just incase:
    http://exmoorjane.blogspot.com/2008/03/black-dog-red-dog-yellow-dog-blue.html – Exmoor Jane
    http://livvylife.blogspot.com/2008/07/missing-myself.html – Livvy

    I’ll also link to this on my blog.

    Good luck,

  3. Lisa Lawrence Says:

    I have a plethora of things to tell you….but I’m at work, so this is not the place :)….I’ll forward your blog to home and well, you may regret you asked! But, depression. I know from depression. She’s a bitch, but conquerable. Later.

  4. Dad Mzungu Says:

    What about the Daddy Gap? It is there, and I fell into it with eyes wide shut.
    If interested , let me know.

  5. Mom/Mum Says:

    where shall I start?!
    Found your blog after potty mummy recommended. glad she did. really enjoy.

  6. Tattie Weasle Says:

    Have spent many years in battle with the Black Dog – it’s alright when you its just you but so difficult and complicated when you have two children in tow…

  7. Andrea Says:

    great blog!!

    depression is not always our enemy, sometimes it provides time to re-evaluate, if we want to or not.

  8. Angela McCoy Says:

    I would love to help you with your story. I have ‘gaps’-a-plenty over here. ;o)

    With four special needs children, I have been known to strategically devise many side-stepping, obstacle-conquering pathways through this thing we call life.

    Please feel free to contact me any time.


  9. Bill Bartmann- Says:

    I’m so glad I found this site…Keep up the good work I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say GREAT blog. Thanks,

    A definite great read…


  10. Bill Bartmann Says:

    Excellent site, keep up the good work. I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,

    A definite great read…:)


  11. Bill Bartmann Says:

    I don’t know If I said it already but …Hey good stuff…keep up the good work! 🙂 I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,)

    A definite great read..


  12. kempozone Says:

    Im sure many of you are like me and one of the first things you do in the morning is head here and check out the new post. Along with seeing the new posts, I’m also always checking out the blog roll rss feed and watching them grow, or shrink sometimes. In one of my past …but all in all excellent site. Keep it up!

  13. Reseller Hosting Says:

    Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

  14. MTJAM Says:

    Hmm, late to reply, but as you know, I am no strangers to the Black Dog. I’m not sure what – if anything – you need from me, but feel free to ask…
    xx MTJAM

  15. absurdoldbird Says:

    I’ve had depression on and off all my life – literally. Started getting depressed as a small wee toddler. It’s not as bad as it used to be and I don’t get it as often as I used to but, when it arrives, it always surprises me… you’d think after decades of familiarity, it’d be no surprise anymore, wouldn’t you?

    Anyway, I sympathise and empathise.

  16. Another Memsahib Says:

    I lived in the Black Hole for over 30 years after my fiancé died on the Mombasa-Nairobi highway. I had had one foot on the edge of the Hole for years before that but fell headlong in. I’ve never been on meds until a weekend when I had been supporting a hopelessly entangled daughter through her emotional quaqmire and I just couldn’t do it any longer. I was good, I went to the hospital myself because I’ve promised my daughters that they will not find me dead by suicide in my own home. I didn’t realize it then but do now: I had been pushed so much further down into the Hole by pain from an arthritic knee that my ability to keep the Black Hole under control, with my head back so I could at least see the sunlight outside the Hole, was obliterated. A new knee and almost overnight alleviation of pain has left me with my left little toe in the Hole and the rest of me in the blazing sun! With no medications! If you need them though, they should be used. I am luckier than most and am the first to admit it.

    Sorry this is so long. Please feel free to shorten it.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: